Brain Unzipped

Brain Unzipped

I am not sure how or why, but something about me feels off.  Throughout my life it has been described in many different ways: rude, brash, full of inquiry, awkward, nerdy, weird, gifted...none of them fit me quite right.  In an effort to come clean about a few things that consume my daily thought process, so that you may fully understand me, here is my brain unzipped.

Lately, I have become increasingly obsessed with soup.  What makes something a soup? Upon reflection, one may define soup as a liquid dish, typically made by adding solid ingredients to the liquid.  However, this leads to the inevitable conclusion that cereal is a form of soup. In addition to cereal, oatmeal and grits could also be labeled as soup.  Therefore, there may be a currently unexplored category of breakfast soups in existence. On the other hand, we could define soup as a liquid dish containing vegetables.  Unfortunately, this would eliminate one of the most delicious forms of soup, tomato. Tomatoes are definitely a fruit, so they could not be soup under this working definition.  At best, tomato soup would have to be labeled as a form of jelly. I would love someone from the food industry to clear up this soup confusion before I discover any other unsavory categories of soup that may ruin my breakfast.

Driving in a car is a terrifying experience for me that causes overwhelming anxiety.  Have you ever considered that the longer you are in a vehicle, the more likely you are to be in an accident?  Yet, we all continue to drive every day all over the world. Many naysayers will respond to me that research says that the majority of accidents occur within five minutes of our homes.  However, I don’t think of driving as separate events. When you add all the driving time together, we will spend an average of 37,935 hours driving. With all that time logged in a vehicle, we are bound to be in a few accidents.  I often find myself worrying more and more the longer I spend in a vehicle. This means that I must be close to an accident. I was recently in a car accident and, despite the danger and inconvenience, I found relief in this because it meant I would have a significant block of time to spend in the car until my next one.  Based on the data, it seems like we would be better off to only complete a minimal amount of driving and then swear off time in a vehicle forever.

Lunch meat is gross.  I don’t care who you are or what you say.  Lunch meat is one of the nastiest things I can imagine eating.  This all began when I was younger and realized that lunch meat has the slimy texture that I associate with the feel of a jellyfish.  You touch it and it feels cold and slippery. It touches your lips and it slides all around your mouth like meat jello. Then you have to consider the scent that emanates from a bag of turkey.  It can only be described as the same smell that comes when you open up a new bag of diapers. I cannot begin to fathom how anyone would get to a place where they could ignore all these atrocious qualities of lunch meat enough to put it between two pieces of bread and place it in their mouth.

The alphabet is completely ridiculous.  There are letters that make one sound, letters that make many sounds, and, sometimes, letters that make no sounds.  In addition, we have some letters that I think are utterly useless. For example, the letter “c.” This letter really has no place or purpose in the English language.  “C” is able to make two distinct sounds, hard and soft. I would propose that everytime “c” is making a soft sound it could be replaced with “s” and that every time it makes a hard sound, it could be replaced with “k.”  These two simple changes would not only make English make a little more sense, but it would also render the letter “c” useless. “X” is another letter that could easily be thrown out. Did you know that there are more uses for x in math than there are in English?  Why do we spend any time teaching this ridiculous letter? I spend more time than I care to admit hating the letters “c” and “x.”

Compliments are the most confusing social interaction to navigate.  I often find myself frozen with confusion over the idea behind a compliment.  My first thought to process is how genuine the compliment really is. People may want to get you to like them, they may feel like it is expected, they could be using sarcasm, they could have intention to sway you to do something they want, or they could really mean what they say.  With each compliment I receive, I have to thoughtfully consider the intent behind it in order to construct an appropriate response. The second thought process is to think about how to respond. I could just respond with a simple thank you. This may be considered the best response, but I disagree.  That thank you could be perceived as me being egotistical. Also, if I respond with only a thank you, then there is often an awkward silent moment filled with expectation of more. I have yet to figure out what that more is. I could follow up with another compliment; however, it may be disingenuous because it isn’t something I would have necessarily said unless I felt obligated because of the one they gave me first.  Or, I could give a brief history behind their compliment. For example, if they like my dress I can explain where I got it or how much it cost. Unfortunately, I may be providing information that they simply don’t care to know and they were just being polite. This means that I have wasted precious time. I wish there was some way we could communicate intent behind our social interactions to cut down on all this confusion and opportunities for multiple meanings behind our actions.

Many people may find my thoughts overly analytical.  It may make them uncomfortable to consider these things or they laugh it off as something strange.  I may come across better in a one on one interaction or small group because I feel more comfortable with my ability to read the situation and choose which things to share.  In a large group, it is much more difficult to pull from the threads of thought flying through my brain to determine which will be the most relevant or beneficial. One must consider the balance of the length of time spent talking about yourself.  Researchers have identified that individuals who spent an inordinate amount of time during an interaction are unlikeable or annoying. Therefore, keeping a mental tally of my participation helps to maintain a sense of normalcy.

Do these thoughts make me weird?  Maybe, but it’s me and my brain. I find that the more time I dedicate to analyzing and understanding these things, I am better able to “play” normal.  Then I also think, at what point does focusing so much attention toward coming across normal make me that much stranger?

I would love to dedicate this piece to my dear friend, Elizabeth Davis.  She highly encouraged me to write this piece as a way to better understand the way my brain works and thinks.  Have you ever felt like no one thinks the way you do?  Do you ever have crazy thoughts that send you spiraling down a rabbit hole?  Please leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts/reactions.

Thanks!

Sam